by Orly | Jan 1, 2016 | Blog
I’ve signed up for ‘Quest 2016’, which included 13 prompts for envisioning 2016. I will write my responses to all thirteen prompts in this one post.
2016 does feel like a step into something fresh and new. It feels like so much hard work has been done and now things can start to take shape. I can see this in so many areas of my life. I feel like I’ve been swimming in the soul soup for a long time, and the time to emerge is beckoning.
Here are my responses:
Prompt 1 from Susan Piver, meditation teacher, writer and speaker
What I most need to tell myself about 2016 is:
It’s time. Sieze the day. Be bold. Keep going. Hang in there. Stay open. Share. Trust. Explore. Discover. Wonder. Enjoy. Accept. Let go.
Prompt 2 from Jonathan Fields, creator, The Good Life Project.
A magical unexpected fortune will be provided if you work full time for twelve months in pursuit of an answer to a single question of your choosing. What is your question?
At this point in time, since I am determined to get Cloudscape up and realised, it could be a question that supports that process.
How can Cloudscape change the way that people connect?
How can I experience connection in the creation of Cloudscape?
How can I shift my thinking in the creation of Cloudscape?
What would my highest self do?
Prompt 3 from Debbie Millman, designer and writer
How would you do business as unusual in 2016 if you knew – no matter what you chose – you would not fail?
Create a video clarifying my proposal, and sharing this via the internet, to find benefactors who might see the value in it and be prepared to support the project financially or in other ways .. with a vision toward having a space in their own community in the future.
Prompt 4 from Dr Tina Seelig, teacher on creativity, innovation and entrepreneurship, writer, creator.
What advice would your future self a year from now give you today?
Set deadlines, but be at ease around them. See them as carrots rather than whips.
Practice being present. Use this as a tool to release anxiety while pushing against your comfort zones.
Play big. What’s the point of keeping it small. Play big. Dream big. Think big.
Always connect.
In times of doubt .. do.
Prompt 5 from Scott Barry Kaufman, scientist, writer, teacher
What recurring daydream for 2016 inspires you to do business as unusual like never before?
This is a fun question for me because it lets me address the challenges and opportunities in what I am envisioning. Over the past few years I have explored many avenues, searching for a path that felt aligned. The closest I’ve come, a sort of fanciful dream, is the creation of magical playspaces for all ages.
In 2015 I brought to life an idea I have been playing with for years in creating Cloudscape – a sculpture, an adventure playground, a meeting place, a public space, a landmark, a thinking shifter and a spirit connector.
Feedback since sharing this idea has been very positive. The act of sharing has been an act of transformation for me since it has required me to express myself publicly, going against my natural instincts. This is liberating and is helping to unlock me from a cage I had created for myself.
In answer to the question .. I am very inspired to do business as unusual because I am creating this piece in the way that uses my strengths. Also, given the scope of this project, I can’t do it all alone – and so I’m am inspired to connect with others and accept support to help make it happen. bringing others on board will also give the best chances of making this idea a success, bringing more opportunities for beauty, adventure, connection and transformation to the world.
Prompt 6 from Seth Godin, writer and change-maker. His latest book, What To Do When It’s Your Turn (2014) sounds like a must read for me. It is described as ‘an urgent call to do the work we’re hiding from, a manifesto about living with things that might not work, and embracing tension when doing your art.’
Would they miss you if you were gone?
Normally I think I’d struggle with this question, but right now, while I’m pushing to make Cloudscape happen and it otherwise would probably not happen – then I think there could be people out there sorry to not get to experience it. I know I am keen to experiencing what it will be like in full size. Right now, getting the model finished and getting clearer on the details will make me feel more confident about the jump up to full size.
Apart from Cloudscape .. would they miss me. Well, for sure for my past life I wouldn’t be too missed because I hardly existed at all except for in my own space, my ultimate bliss zone.
Prompt 7 from John Jantsch, marketing consulant, author and speaker:
What can you stop doing in 2016 such that it would allow you to focus on higher payoff activities?
Struggling with this question right now. Straight off the top of my head to get started:
Going to bed late
Sleeping in
Worrying what people think
Screens at night (except for writing)
Prompt 8 from Sally Hogshead, writer ‘How the world sees you’, speaker, researcher.
Of these 3 options, which one is most important in your work right now:
- – quality of life
- – quality of work
- – quality of compensation
At this point for me it is definitely quality of work. When I saw those words, though they could have different meanings, I thought of how important getting the details right in the creation of Cloudscape will impact the other two options. Creating Cloudscape is a journey towards a life that is meaningful and inspiring to me. Since any creation of Cloudscape requires funds, I will be able to factor compensation into their creation. And the compensation could be other than financial too.
Prompt 9 from Chris Brogan, business coach, writer & speaker.
How will you better clarify whom you serve and what you do for them in 2016?
My first thoughts on this are that I serve people who are disconnected or lost.
What I want to do for them in 2016 :
Both the creation of Cloudscape (a team effort) and the piece itself are opportunities to bring people who are alone, lost or hiding to join with others to experience the world afresh. This is a potentially life changing opportunity.
My blog is the sharing and speaking up so others can know they are not alone. For so long I felt like a freak, an outside, and did not realise there were so many others like me – it’s just that I never seemed to meet them – locked away in their own private worlds. I still haven’t much. But I know they are out there.
Prompt 10 from Charlie Gilkey, Productive Flourishing.
Which element of your best work do you most want to amplify this year?
Perhaps the element of wonder .. of wondering out loud about all the things I spend my time wondering about. Of finding new ways to wonder. Of exploring the idea of wonder.
Prompt 11 from Todd Henry, a writer I now want to read with titles like ‘Die Empty: Unleash Your Best Work Every Day’ and ‘Louder Than Words: Harness the Power of Your Authentic Voice’.
It takes bravery to know your strengths and operate diligently within them. Are you running your race or someone else’s.
I have, to a large part, come to my ‘business vision’ due to the fact that my strengths don’t seem to mesh with the rest of society. I’m no good with super fast, bash it out, highly social, consumerist society.
Over the years I have done what I needed to in order to survive, but found my strengths (deep thought, high quality, slow and measured, antisocial, reclusive, independent, unconventional, quirky) were weaknesses rather than strengths. So I have set out to find a path that would satisfy my curiosity, use my skills, allow me to connect with others in meaningful ways, be making a contribution, be fun, and inspire me to evolve.
With Artistry in Play I am building parts of myself that need strengthening – like self expression, opening up and connecting – as well as using skills I have developed – creating design proposals, making applications to council, collaborating with specialist consultants, writing, imagining, researching, developing, clarifying, creating.
So, yes, I feel it’s very much my own race – with sometimes shifting goal posts.
Prompt 12 from Jen Louden, writer on well-being and whole living:
What’s the story you most desire to bring to life in 2016?
What’s the story your just-right client most desires to bring to life in 2016?
Where do your two stories overlap?
My story: the creation of Cloudscape and the journey it takes, and where it goes and what it meets along the way.
My just-right client. This must be a big dreamer / philanthropist who sees the value in this idea and wants to help make it happen. It is someone for whom the issues of isolation and disconnection hold important resonance and Cloudscape represents hope and meaning. They desire to bring to life a deeper sense of meaning and purpose, and a sense of contribution.
Overlap. Our stories could overlap in many different ways, but in essence, it would be a shared connection and sense of accomplishment at bringing something new and special into the world.
Prompt 13 from Srinivas Rao, host and founder of The Unmistakable Creative podcast.
What will you do in 2016 to assure you and your best work are unmistakable?
I feel I need to do some research to answer this question, but in order to make a start I will see what comes up as I sit here …
I think I mainly need to ‘speak up’ a bit. Perhaps to share more boldly my quirky view on the world. What I will do in 2016 is stay in action by sharing my thoughts and ideas and keeping on creating.
Onward Questing
Yo ho .. I believe I have answered all prompts from the Quest. Hooray. I definitely feel clearer about what is important as I step into this new year. And with all that in mind, it is time to choose my ‘word for 2016’. What shall it be?? For so many years it has been Clarity. Perhaps I can finally accept moving forward boldly with purpose rather than needing clear the way and get ever clearer on the vision or bigger picture.
So with all of what I have written in mind .. this year’s shortlist is:
Action
Creation
Connection
Presence
Self expression
Realisation
Magic
Wonder
I will let these words percolate and will return with the selection.
T.B.C.
by Orly | Dec 31, 2015 | Blog
Note : this is a work in progress :)
In the interests of releasing this final post for the year before the new year begins, I am putting some words to screen, with the intention of finishing later.
2015
2015 has been a crazy, intense, busy year. So much so that I’ve been a bit stuck on how to write about it. I feel quite keen to jump onto the 2016 bandwagon and to be putting my energies there. But first, I will start with some reflection, since the fact I am willing and about to jump into 2016 with such gusto is a product of the deep dives into the unknown I’ve undertaken this year.
To sum up 2015 I would say: transformative, intense, extreme, challenge.
The year felt full of movement, and it was, with at least 6 roadtrips, four journeys by plane, and much pushing against my comfort zones .. from speaking out to accepting support to opening up to jumping into the unknown. Baby steps. Lots of baby steps. And the journey is still just beginning.
A year of extremes, extreme anguish and pain, including suicides and a hugely destructive family law court case. Yet also huge dreams, successes and joys.
Things seemed to happen slowly, and yet it felt like I was constantly behind, with too much to do, catching up, overwhelmed, running late.
One of my biggest breakthroughs is to have finally gotten over, somewhat, my phobia of blogging and sharing my thoughts and writing in public.
I completed another year of #365 days on Instagram .. and I’m wondering how I might switch it up on Instagram for the new year – will I have a theme or a project to keep me accountable? Is there a way I could take away some of the effort .. or make it more fun?
I signed up to become a cub scout leader. I was hugely reluctant and cautious, but felt immensely better after committing. I’m planning to teach some aikido to the kids in 2016.
I started up a mastermind group to share our goals, get feedback and be accountable. We have been meeting up every fortnight since August and it has made a huge difference to me, perhaps most specifically in maintaining a much more regular blogging practice than I would have otherwise.
I attended the World Domination Summit in Portland, Oregon in July. It was a magical experience in very many ways .. a return to a much younger version of me, a shifted perspective on the world.
I explored the enneagram in great depth, and my love for it, just over a year since I ‘discovered’ it, hasn’t waned.
My garden is transformed, reshaped, and ready to be planted and created.
Cloudscape was envisioned, accepted for the Sculpture by the Sea 2016 exhibition, and big moves towards its creation made.
This website has been developed and transformed.
I’ve made new friends (this is a huge difference to a typical year for me).
I have been training in aikido twice a week, doing five tibetans stretches many mornings, gotten out of my long term meditation before bed habit (how easy it was to lose that habit I had been doing for years).
I did lots of consulting tarot cards for some clarity on the freefall I was feeling.
I lost connection with almost everyone. And yet also did lots of reconnecting.
by Orly | Nov 18, 2015 | Blog
It seems that in Bellingen, the small town where I live, many people survive by doing a variety of jobs.
I am preparing to jump on that bandwagon (if I haven’t already) by offering a variety of services through a local Facebook group.
I’ve been on a mission to create my own business for some time. It has been a journey of exploration and a rollercoaster adventure, with the end feeling ever elusive. But I have been hanging in there, determined to make it work, somehow, buoyed by the fact that I have learned to live on as close to nothing as possible.
I recently started searching for work in earnest, to tide me over as I push towards my dream of independence. But when I look at the jobs on offer, considering (almost) any and everything, I am reminded of why I need to take a different tack. Typically I would need to retrain to do a carers position, in order to be stuck in a position that would suck the life out of me on a number of levels. So this search has relit my fire and my determination to break out, on my own, to offer the skills and talents I have to whoever may need them.
Breaking out of my comfort zone
Putting myself ‘out there’ in the public eye pushes against my comfort zones in a huge way. And yet it is something I have been making a point of for at least a year now. This has been my year for ‘coming out of hiding’. I’ve done it in baby steps. First I started opening up a bit to people – sharing a bit more than I naturally would. I also set up an Instagram account at the beginning of last year and started sharing photos. And gradually I have been adding to this website and slowly .. so slowly .. starting to write blog posts. And now I feel I am much more ‘out there’ than I ever have been. It has been like a journey of awakening.
The last bastion I am yet to overcome is Facebook. I’ve never felt comfortable with it and possibly never will. And yet, it seems to be the logical next step as a way of sharing my message with local people.
Girl Friday
With this post I am dipping my toes in the water by announcing my scary bold plan (i.e. a public Facebook post) before I gather the courage (and the words) to actually do it.
I am proposing to offer my services as a ‘Girl Friday’ to help people and businesses in my community on a casual/short term basis.
I know I have skills that could be useful to people. And I know many people and businesses must want help but don’t necessarily want a new permanent employee. I’m thoughtful, careful, conscientious, warm, open-minded and easy to get along with. And endlessly curious. So it makes sense to make the offer, in the best way I can, so that I might be able to help others and allow them to help me.
With all that in mind, here are my current thoughts for wording of the Facebook post.
GIRL FRIDAY
Do you, or someone you know, need a helping hand on a one-off, casual or short-term basis?
No matter the job, feel free to contact me to see if I can help you.
I’m thoughtful, careful, conscientious, warm, open-minded and easy to get along with.
My skills include excellent writing skills (reports, letters etc), highly proficient computer skills (Mac), design skills, CAD drafting (Archicad), and just about anything DIY.
My qualities include being a great listener, attentive to detail, and always willing to learn.
To find out more about me go to my website at www.circlesoflife.net
If you think I might be able to help you, email me at info@circlesoflife.net (preferable) or call me on 0405 246 205 (leave a message and I will call you back) to discuss.
With love and gratitude,
Charmaine
www.circlesoflife.net
OR A LESS WORDY VERSION :
Can I help you or someone you know?
My services include:
An extra pair of hands
Report/letter writing
A listening ear (clarity through conversation)
CAD drafting
General labour
My Story
I will start by admitting that I’ve always sucked at storytelling – being more of a listener than an entertainer.
Plus I’ve tended to live my life in secret – hiding out, on my own – neither wanting nor needing the feedback or recognition of others. I like to walk to the beat of my own drum.
So the challenge of ‘sharing myself’ online has been petrifying – literally paralysing. It took about eight years of having a website before I could put anything at all personal on there.
Progressing in baby steps
So I’ve been taking baby steps toward creating my website and developing and clarifying my vision of sculptures for public space.
Ever so slowly, I’m moving towards a dream that is both challenging and inspiring – the creation of my first ‘permanent’ public art piece, Cloudscape. I’m working toward creating the prototype, which is pushing me out of my shell in many different ways. And much as I’d like to have the piece ‘done already’ .. I’m doing what I do and taking my time and learning lessons along the way.
And my current ‘lesson’ is in putting myself in front of the public eye .. this time to ask for work .. in order to release some of the financial and time pressures as I move towards and continue to clarify this goal, while staying present to the principles driving the project : inspiring connection, creating new ways to explore and offering fresh perspectives.
Fascinated by people and loving time alone
It’s hard to know where to start in telling ‘my story’. In a way I feel like any story about my life must revolve around my tendency to isolate and hide out. Hiding out has always been my comfort and my refuge. When I settled into a long term relationship with a partner 32 years my senior (now passed away) I got to hide out big time. I didn’t fit in with the norms of society and this gave me a good excuse to ‘do my own thing’. You see, I’m an extreme loner. About as loner as you can get. I need space and time alone and if I don’t get it life can feel not worth living. But this has become my excuse for not living a bigger life. And since I believe I have been gifted with a privileged life I think I have a responsibility to make the most of it. So with many small and some big steps I have started to push against my comfort zones to play a bigger game. It is a journey of awakening.
The journey to this moment has been a slow and often painful one. I have a masochistic tendency to run from joy and towards depth. What has always driven me is curiosity and learning. So long as I’m learning I feel satisfied. I can endure a lot of pain if I think I’m learning something. I try to find lessons in just about everything.
It will perhaps come as no surprise that I’ve often felt like ‘an outsider’ because that’s what I’ve sought – to live a separate life. The thought of seeking enlightenment in a cave in the Himalayas has long been a fantasy.
Yet despite valuing my solitude above most else I am also fascinated by people and I enjoy connecting, especially one on one. And though I tend to enjoy living with my ‘head in the clouds’ – I’m also practical, down to earth, and not prone to impulsive, reckless behaviour.
To try and paint a clearer picture, I will share the story of an experience that has stuck in my head and felt significant.
A snapshot in time – Lost in Kakadu
I became completely lost in Kakadu National Park. I was on a six day bush walk, about three days walk from the car. The road to the carpark had just been cut off to wet season traffic. Though I had a map, the landscape had no distinguishing features. The landscape felt as foreign as if I was on the moon, with many many hills of rock as far as the eye could see. The only feature was a small stream, which could only be seen when you were right upon it.
I will intercept the story here to say that I have tended to love the feeling of being lost – or at the very least I’ve grown exceedingly comfortable with it since that is how I have felt my whole life. I love being lost because I love to explore. But it was not my intention on that day to get so lost.
About two hours prior I had suggested my walking buddy go ahead of me so I could walk at leisure. I hate to be rushed and I like to be alone. We had agreed to meet up at an upcoming stream to stop for lunch. I had the map and half of our camping gear (which half I can’t remember. I think it was the sleeping gear).
After a couple of hours I came to the stream and didn’t find my friend. Thinking she must have gone downstream I continued until I found a great swimming hole, where I stopped for a dip before climbing a bit higher to look out for her. Still finding no signs I dressed and put on my pack before climbing to a few high points to get a better view. In almost no time I realised I was lost. I’d lost the stream and my friend. It was an other-worldly experience, climbing up and down hill after hill, now searching for the stream. But it was a tiny stream and there might have been offshoots because I know I found it a couple of times but somehow it didn’t help me to find my way back. I went up and down and around in circles, hardly stopping, for hours, always watching my compass. As the sun started to move closer to the horizon my search became slightly more frantic. I kept searching for any sign, and no doubt stumbled upon my own tracks more than once.
As late noon approached the skies opened. Suddenly the landscape was awash with water and between and every crevice was now a stream just like the one I’d been searching for. It was at once beautiful and terrifying. Even if I found the stream now I likely wouldn’t recognise it.
I kept on searching, always with an eye on my compass. I even prayed to God. The sun was starting to set. I was going to be out, at night, separated from my friend, and the chance that I might never find my way back was a real possibility. It was both scary and exhilarating. In desperation I stopped at the top of a rocky hill, looked at my compass, did a random calculation of every direction I had travelled for that past 4 + hours of constant moving. I decided that my movements, which had been in every direction, had been northwest on balance. I set my compass for southeast and set boldly forward, refusing to waver from that direction. Boulders, ledges nothing could divert me. I don’t know how long I charged forward, with the sun going down, but as the last of the daylight started to fade from the sky I suddenly found myself at the very spot I had first detoured. This was made clear by the discovery of a dressing I had removed from my foot when I swam and had accidentally left behind. A joyful discovery. I raced up beside the stream, calling out, and soon heard my friend calling out. I had walked past her in the first place because she must have been momentarily out of view. I don’t know who was more relieved. I noticed at that moment that it was pitch black dark. It felt like a miracle and an intensely spiritual experience.
The adventure didn’t stop there ..
A comedic addition to that evening shows how my mind can play tricks. Settled and with a fire, tent set up and food sorted I heard movement in the tent. Two prisoners, convicted of murder, had recently escaped and it was big news. I was convinced one of them was in the tent. Adrenalin was pumping. It turned out to be nothing but a local frog.
You can draw your own conclusions and judgements from this story. But some things this story can tell are:
– I love to be alone
– my mind can go in all different directions
– I like to find spiritual lessons in my experience of life
– I love adventures
– I love to explore
– I can be overly cautious and paranoid
– I don’t think much about food
– I love powerful expressions of nature
– I used to live in Darwin
– I love bushwalking (though my last long bush walk was over 9 years ago – when I was pregnant)
– I like to take my time with things and think about things
– I can tend to get lost with my head in the clouds
– I like being lost
– I like rediscovery
– I can be very tenacious
– I can be a risk taker when it comes to being on my own (not so much with anything to do with other people)
– even though I tend to think I don’t know the answer, deep down it’s in there
– I’m grateful to have my life
And telling this story feels like a sort of coming full circle just in the fact that I am ‘telling it’.
If you’ve made it this far, and you have thoughts, or, dare I say it, opinions to share .. please comment below, or contact me directly. Either way I’d love to hear from you.
by Orly | Oct 20, 2015 | Blog
Time, energy and money are three elements that control how much I manage to get done. The three feel intimately related. All have been challenges for me .. and much revolves around time.
I’ve always had a strange relationship with time. I love it. I want more of it. There never feels enough of it. I like to take my time. Late nights are often my opportunity for lots of solo time. And now I’m rambling .. but I was going to say that the fact I like to take my time has hugely impacted my finances. And yet I keep ‘buying time’ with the money I could be earning .. and hey .. maybe that’s worth it!
by Orly | Oct 13, 2015 | Blog
I’m considering becoming a Cub Scout Leader. It’s a big commitment so it’s a big decision. I have arguments for why I should and shouldn’t do this. I will outline my thinking and see if a clear path becomes apparent. This is how I tend to make most of my decisions. In a slow considered way through writing. It helps give me clarity so it is like my lifeline to sanity.
Pros:
- scout leaders are needed and this is a worthy service
- apparently they need more female leaders
- this is something I’m sure Joey will get a lot out of
- it becomes a shared connection, since I am only now learning all about it too
- it is a big challenge – in that I have tended to run from wanting to lead – preferring to be on my own
- it could help me in my journey toward teaching martial arts to kids
- it will challenge me to be more social
- I will meet other parents
- I will learn new skills
Cons:
- This could be an opportunity for an hour of space in the week .. rather than filling up the week with more activity
- this is a big commitment that will become an extra source of stress in my life
- Joey could do with some time without me (and me him)
- I could still garner much of the Scouts learning through watching Joey rather than having to go through the whole thing myself – i.e. doing it is my need to keep learning
- I feel quite uncomfortable with the Scouts procedures .. I struggle with that sort of thing. In fact .. I’m not much of a group person .. so the ceremonies and actions make me feel very awkward
- I am told it’s fun for the adults too .. and I can see they have fun .. but fun is different for everyone .. and one and a half hours with kids yelling in a hall could never be my idea of fun. Maybe I’m just not cut out to be a Scout leader.
If you have thoughts or advice based on what I’ve shared .. please share :)
by Orly | Oct 13, 2015 | Blog
NOTE : WORK IN PROGRESS :)
I will start with ‘My Why’ …..
I do the things I do for the sake of clarity and openness.
And my ‘Why’ has come as my lifelong challenge – because it is what I have struggled with.
I have experienced life as my life as a mass of confusion and overwhelm .. of complete lack of clarity .. and it has taken life to help me understand that even when I think “I don’t know” .. really, “I know” .. so it has been a journey toward intuition .. except looking outside to get to it.
So my life has been one of searching, exploring and examining every piece of information that comes to my attention .. being careful to not discount the tiniest thing that might hold the answer. And the exploration has felt very personal and ‘my own world’ .. and it has carried me along on all sorts of adventures as I tried to work out how this world ticks and what my place in it is.
What I craved was the inner peace that comes from clarity.
And yet in the process, trying to constantly absorb more data, more experiences, and paying attention to the details .. I would end up becoming overwhelmed.
I’ve been waiting for the wisdom that comes with age. I’ve always looked forward to old age as a time when I get to be wise .. when I’ve seen and experienced life .. both personally and vicariously .. and have more experience to draw from and time to absorb and reflect.
And with the act of voicing my thoughts to the public, I am challenging my tendency to shut down and retreat, and giving voice to a quiet minority – even if that minority is just me.
These thoughts are inspired by Tiffany Han’s Raise Your Hand and Say Yes podcast The Power of Knowing Your End Game.
I will go into more detail later .. but I will say for now
that I need time .. lots of time .. to absorb, reflect, explore and be alone.
I need to drop out in order to reconnect.
Thanks ;)
by Orly | Sep 28, 2015 | Blog
A serious take on the world
I believe the Universe* gives us the lessons we need for us to evolve. It’s how I’ve rationalised most of my life, because lessons and learning are the thing that drives me most.
A lesson I am currently facing is around the topic of ‘fun’. Fun comes in all shapes and sizes and I am testament to this. Because what the rest of society seems to classify as fun, has generally in my life, not felt like fun for me. As a child I remember birthday parties, social events, and even Christmas as challenges rather than pleasure – sticky with expectation and obligation. Superficial, lighthearted play and small talk generally felt like a frivolous and painful distraction from whatever I would rather be doing .. such as building, exploring or simply thinking about something .. on my own.
I remember being bailed up as a child at one of my mum’s parties by a drunk friend who would start chatting and go on and on. All I wanted to do was escape. Interesting that that is the strongest memory for me of those parties.
Fun in company versus fun alone
Our children, as life itself, tend to bring us our lessons. For me it is being blessed with an easygoing child who loves to be around people he knows (not just random strangers which is where I feel more comfortable) and the impact on my extreme introversion has been to limit his social life outside of school. With my like-minded partner departed from this life the onus is on me to provide my sons needs .. and that is increasingly requiring me to be more social, or at the very least to reach out or connect with other parents. I made a point of this soon after he was born and now am part of a great mum’s group in Sydney. But we have moved a six hour drive from them now. And so the issue has come up again .. how to keep my son entertained without having him resort to screens. Because he likes company. He doesn’t have my serious studious nature. I feel I’ve inflicted a somewhat lonely childhood on him out of my passion for aloneness (well .. he’s had ME to play with ..).
A couple of days ago, after starting writing this as a way to explore and express this dilemma, I took him to the skate park in Bellingen. He normally would only want to go there with a friend, with me or if it was empty .. but that day it was busy, and we sat and watched. Eventually, recognising one kid there, he decided he’d give it a go. It was a breakthrough. I had found a new way to get him in contact with other kids and active without having to reach out to other parents. I even left him there for an hour and raced home to do some of my own work. Mutual bliss. Thank you Universe!
How does this relate to Cloudscape?
The point of all this is perhaps to say that there is no ‘one size fits all’ type of fun. Kids playgrounds are much more fun for some kids than others. An intention of Cloudscape is to meet different play needs – from social interaction to solo exploration to getting physical.
For myself, the serious side of me is exploring play with Cloudscape, and challenging me in all sorts of ways. And I am endeavouring to create a place that is ‘fun’ outside of the standard definition that the funsters of our society determine. Fun that includes random connections and exploration and shifting of thinking. Fun that can be had alone OR with others.
And ironically, if I think about it, the lessons I’m getting as I push this project forward, challenging as they continue to be, are forcing me to evolve .. to move from my withdrawn, shut down ways to being more expressed, more connected, more confident. In short, I am pushing the edges of my comfort zone in a big way. And while in a way I’m doing it for me – because a life lived in my head has become increasingly intolerable – I’m also doing it for others like me – as a place to connect and be inspired – a place that I would love to go to and a place that can offer something different to those who don’t necessarily fit in with everyday society .. but have needs all the same. This feels meaningful to me.
* when I say Universe, what I really mean is the bigger picture .. understanding that how we are in the world and how we react to the world naturally brings about the experiences we have.
by Orly | Sep 7, 2015 | Blog, Enneagram, Evolution, play, Public Art, Sculpture, Spirit
Only connect!
E. M. Forster
Revolution for Peace: from nuclear disarmament to the tree of life
They say you want a revolution,
Well you know, We all want to change the world.
You tell me that it’s evolution,
Well you know, we all want to change the world.
John Lennon & Paul Mccartney (from the album Love)
Declaring a revolution
There is a certain freedom that comes from declaring a revolution .. a shift away from what has gone before. And so I will take the liberty to be so bold and declare my current quest – of creating spaces within public places that invite people to explore, play and connect – as a revolution in connection.
Why connection?
As a natural loner and a keen explorer I have spent my life striving to be alone and self sufficient in order to explore freely without the demands, expectations and judgements of others. As part of my explorations I have spent my life studying people and trying to understand why we experience and respond to the world in such different ways. My confusion about people and lack of confidence in my opinions resulted in my withdrawal from society or from any self expression to the point that I felt I might as well disappear completely. Instead though, I found a way to reenter the world – bringing with me a conviction in the importance of, and indeed the need for connection.
In my study of people, I’ve come to learn that there are in fact nine distinct worldviews that shape our experience of the world, each with it’s own strengths and limitations, gifts and challenges. I see tremendous value in having spaces where people can drop their guard and their patterned ways of being in order to open up to their essence. By shifting out of everyday life, letting go of egoic patterns and beliefs, and being in the present moment, we can come to discover that we are all connected.
Why play?
Play offers opportunities to explore, to find connections and to open up our experience of the world. It keeps our minds active and agile and keeps us young. Play can offer a way to shift out of stuck ways of thinking. Play is important at all ages of life.
Yet opportunities for play in public spaces diminish after childhood. Almost all playgrounds cater primarily for youth, and adults without kids in tow tend to be viewed with suspicion or amusement if they dare to use children’s play equipment. I believe we need play spaces that cater to all ages, and indeed that invite all ages to come together. The separatist nature of most playgrounds increases disconnection and ignores the fact that people of all ages get many benefits from play. In addition, there are benefits in young and old coming together to enrich the lives of both.
Why Cloudscape?
When I try to think of places where a person who feels isolated can go and experience a sense of connection while having no expectation to be part of a group or to act in a particular way .. I draw a blank. And so I have designed Cloudscape.
Cloudscape offers a shift out of the everyday with many different ways to connect; physically (as we climb through the sculpture and move our body), mentally (as we shift out of our stuck patterns of thinking and allow ourselves to see the world afresh) and spiritually (as we surrender to the present moment and as we experience our personal connection to the world, to ourselves and to others),
A solution to isolation
Cloudscape is a solution to isolation. It is a response to a world where virtual connection has rapidly replaced personal contact resulting in a disembodied experience of the world and epidemics of obesity and depression. Balance needs to be restored, and Cloudscape offers a solution for moving forward.
From life experience
Cloudscape is a coming together of years of searching, exploring and questing on a personal journey of evolution and trying to find my place in the world. It brings together some of my ideas and skills into a mission that feels meaningful enough to pull me forward while giving me the direction and focus I have been searching for.
Having spent my life lacking the confidence to express an opinion (always seeing alternative views as equally valid), struggling to make decisions (hating to cut off possibilities) and holding back from self expression (to avoid the opinions, expectations and judgements of others) – I have finally come to develop a clearer perspective on my values, needs, strengths and what I need to do to evolve. Though hiding and flying under the radar has enabled me to explore broadly and deeply with minimum distraction, it also took me out of the world and out of connection with others, and ended up with my feeling lost, confused and alone, struggling to find purpose in life.
Coming full circle
So Cloudscape represents a coming full circle, a return to presence and self expression, and a stake in the ground that declares what I am taking a stand for. And so, with Cloudscape I am proposing a way to bring more openness, acceptance, connection and harmony to the world.
A bigger picture
My big picture view is to have these spaces in cities around the world, as places for people to reconnect and shift their thinking.
Through Cloudscape I hope to break down barriers to communication and set spirits free.
What is your perspective?
So that’s my vision and my stance. Of course I remain open to alternative views and opinions – and welcome them.
What do YOU think??
Let’s talk!
Charmaine
by Orly | Aug 31, 2015 | Architecture, Blog, Evolution, Spirit
Year 12 yearbook photo
A mad cap path
This rambling post shares a bit of the madcap path I’ve been on that has led to me into existential crises at multiple ages, trying to work out what work I can do that will both allow me the freedom I crave and the sense of meaning I need while making a contribution to the world.
I’ve wondered whether my crises might have been avoided had I found my ‘work in the world’ at an earlier age. Whether a specific field of endeavour might have given me the confidence and direction I needed. But decision making was never my strength, and I think I couldn’t have settled on any one particular subject and felt satisfied.
My intentions for this post:
- to share my unconventional, winding, messy path
- to declare my respect for architects and the work they do
- to explain why I’ve never fit the mould of an architect and how I’ve struggled to find my place in the world
- to share what I’ve come to at this point in time
- to share my story in a vulnerable way as a means to clarity
Unguided curiosity
I’ve often felt envious of those who knew what they wanted to do at an early age and set forth on a path to pursue it. There is a lot of power in having such focus. I know this from the few times in my life I felt clarity and saw the path open up before me. Mostly though, I’ve felt more like a blind pilgrim, feeling my way, or a mad explorer, running madly and erratically up every path I’ve come to, seeking to discover fresh insights.
And so, part blind and part curious, I bumbled into studying architecture. It wasn’t something I’d even thought of before I had to select my preferences for university toward the end of high school. It was a given that I would go to university. My passion was studying, and my mum had missed the opportunity to go to university and so had always expected it of her two daughters. At school I was a dedicated student, soaking up every topic and hating to miss a day of school for fear of missing out on learning something. If I could have studied everything I would have. As it was I took on the maximum 15 units in my final year rather than the prerequisite 10. I was simply a keen learner and enjoyed learning for the sake of learning. I don’t remember ever having any career guidance.
When it came time to select my preferences for what to study at university I found the choice almost impossible – until a friend announced she was choosing architecture. The thought of architecture had never crossed my mind .. never even crossed my radar. So the esoteric (to me at least) nature of it sparked my interest. This was followed with a rationalisation that, since it combined two of my favourite subjects – art and physics – it might be ideal.
When the time came the following year to start university, I had gotten not into my first preference of architecture at Sydney University .. but my second preference which was architecture at the University of Technology, Sydney. This particular university had a very career focused approach to architecture, with students expected to work in offices as part of the program. Most of the other students were mature age students who were very focused and determined, with no doubt that this was their thing. I certainly didn’t have such certainty .. in fact, all I had was doubt .. and so within two weeks I had transferred to a Bachelor of Industrial Design (which I never actually started). I definitely wasn’t ready to dive into an intensive course and career path. After 13 years of schooling (which I had taken very seriously) it was time to travel. I found a job scooping icecream, postponed my studies until following year, and prepared to set off overseas with the money I’d been saving, to explore the wider world.
Spirit set free
And so began my year of joyful wandering, solo travelling, working enough to survive and developing my confidence and survival skills. It felt like all my Christmases and birthdays (though I’d never liked either) come at once. A world to explore. None to answer to but myself. Bliss.
I started writing in a journal .. something I’d never had the privacy to do. I was buoyed up with eighteen year old confidence, reinforced by martial arts bravado. I backpacked, hitchhiked, wandered, explored, photographed, wrote, found odd jobs, I was in heaven. Then .. as the year drew to a close .. I made the regretful decision to return to Australia to again start an architectural degree .. this time at Sydney University.
Three years of hell ensued. I went from utter freedom to entrapment. And even though the head of first year, having taken in more students than they could accommodate, partly to obtain extra government funding and partly in knowledge of a high drop out rate, suggested more than once that this might not be a good fit for me – my unfortunate trait of tenacity and my lack of a better idea meant I stuck through the three painful years, at which point I was ready to once again escape the clutches of Sydney .. this time destined for Darwin .. as exotic and distant a place as I could think of without leaving Australia.
Blah blah blah
This is getting a bit too long, it seems, and I need to get to some point in this story. I will cut it short by saying that I spent four years in Darwin and one year in Japan during which time I did a number of different jobs which included being a casino croupier, manual drafting for an architect, teaching English to 4-86 year olds, crisis line counselling, studying karate, music, guitar, painting, an introduction to various trades, and exploring the world by foot, bicycle and motorcycle, developing my skills of self sufficiency.
I ended up back in Sydney to reconnect with my almost severed past and, almost as expected, I became caught in the sticky web which had me there not the four months or four years I’d predicted .. but 13 years. In that time I started a job doing drafting .. chosen mainly because it meant I could develop my skills and maintained firstly because it offered freedom and flexibility .. but over time which clamped down like a trap I couldn’t get out of. After three years in that job, feeling the pressure to grow, I again took a dive back into the academic world of architecture .. something I was now much more prepared for, but still no more suited towards. Driving me was a desire to work for myself .. something I figured an architecture degree could help me with. My confidence was a notch higher than during my first degree .. but still not high enough to embrace this demanding field. As always, I remained a fish out of water throughout this degree. Again, studying while working to support myself (same as my first degree), I hung in there tenaciously, finding plenty to keep me inspired and enjoying the opportunity to design organic forms whenever I could.
So why .. having spent six and a half years of my life, split by a nine year gap – fifteen years beginning to end – studying for a profession – have I felt such resistance to actually practicing it?? That is what I’m trying to explain – to myself and to whoever is interested.
I found the study of architecture and insight into the profession inspiring, enlightening and challenging. There’s only one problem. I don’t care much for buildings. People, ideas and matters of spirit excite me much more. Oh .. and I do love making things .. and working out how to make them. But buildings are such complex beasts, requiring so many diverse skills and talents. And the profession requires an energy and attention I just never felt prepared to give. It requires love, dedication and total commitment. That’s how I’ve seen it anyway.
The subjects that got me fired up during my uni degrees were rarely to do with buildings ..
- sculpture
- film/video
- Indian and southeast asian art and architecture
- far eastern art and architecture
- object design and construction
- the culture of nature
- guitar performance (Diploma of Music)
- architectural design studios (some were inspiring, some painful)
- advanced digital graphic communications
- principles and philosophy of design
- drawing and design: seeing, thinking, understanding
- creative writing
- investigation workshop (I had to do this twice – unable to complete my investigations in one term)
- the culture of nature (probably my favourite course of all)
- place, identity and difference
- thinking through drawings
- landscape animation
Is it any wonder that I didn’t love this study! I still have piles of books and papers and notes from lots of those courses that I have intended to explore more fully – and perhaps that is what I will do through this blog!
So that has been my unconventional career path that has led me down lots of dead ends. All I really wanted to do was to explore the world through as many different avenues as I could. And though I’ve puzzled and berated myself each time I’ve found myself lost and floundering, my explanation has been inspiration, inertia, lack of a better idea, blind tenacity and faith plus a determination to find my own path.
In praise of architects
Architecture is a well beaten path .. though offering much scope for exploration. And that is where I want to go. Because wild explorations are my bliss. Dives into the unknown. Total immersion.
I’ve had many people mention that they would have loved to have studied architecture. But I would dissuade anyone who, on a whim, feels they might like to go into this field. It is not for the faint hearted. I have huge respect for architects. It is a truly renaissance art and it demands so much – sensitivity, wisdom, creativity, rationality, interpersonal skills, an open mind, intelligence, focus, confidence, good problem solving ability, good decision making ability .. you name it. Oh .. and a love of buildings helps too. You have to do it for the love.
Maybe I should have studied psychology
My latest inspiration, though not a new one, of a path that might have suited me better (at least in terms of the work side of things) would be some sort of psychotherapy practice. I’ve heard it said that psychiatrists often go into the field to work on themselves and that would have been where I was coming from if I’d gone down that route. Right now though, I’m interested in it as much for connecting with and helping others. But it’s only now, at 44 years of age, that I feel I could even start to consider this. And only now that I’ve done so much work trying to understand people and myself. Because people have always fascinated and confounded me and I’ve spent a lifetime studying and observing them from a distance. And I have finally started to break through a fear that was born of confusion but had me overwhelmed by contact with people. So really, I’m only now at a point that this sort of work feels an option.
Adventure and self sufficiency combined
A search for reinvention
Over the past few years I have been examining my arsenal of skills and interests, along with my personality and ideal lifestyle, to try to formulate a sustainable and satisfying way to contribute to the world. Which brings me to this moment in time.
And since this post is long and overdue and I need to publish it so I can shift my focus to other tasks demanding my attention .. I will finish here. I’m squinting through heavy eyelids and I just need to move on, for now. If you think you might be able to offer a fresh perspective or insights, or want further clarification, or just want to say anything .. please comment below!
With gratitude,
Charmaine
Wearing today’s new skin
by Orly | Aug 21, 2015 | Blog, Enneagram, Public sculpture
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
Anais Nin
Some things I have learnt:
– if we don’t get a lesson the Universe will keep sending it to us
– Everything is relative
– We are all connected
– I am not alone
– There is a flip-side to everything .. nothing is all good or all bad
– pushing something into the shadow, trying to hide it, gives it power
– the answer to Life and How to Live is … Breath
Moving on ..
Enough philosophising for today.
I realise I need to keep it simple. My mind does a grand job of complicating things. It takes me on journeys of wonder and beauty as well as nightmarish despair.
For months I’ve been playing with ideas, writing tomes, but little has made it to the public eye.
The challenge of self expression ..
Public expression .. is my biggest challenge. And such is the irony .. that what I’m desiring to create is so very public.
Cloudscape .. a vision that has been swimming in my head for too many years.
Just recently I discovered a sketch I did in 2008
An exploration of the ‘cloud’ concept from 2008
It reminded me how long this concept has been swimming around in my head. And I could keep on thinking about it and continue to hide away .. or I can bring it to life and learn the lessons and develop the concept in reality – and in connection with other people .. which after all is a big part of the concept!
The Kickstarter challenge
The September 2015 deadline I have set for the Kickstarter campaign is fast approaching .. and the pressure of that deadline, and the accompanying onslaught of so many competing demands and distractions is taking its toll. But despite all that, I need a deadline to narrow down my focus which tends to want to scatter far and wide into every possible crevice of life. The original goal was a September 1-30 campaign .. this then shifted to a September 15-30 campaign .. and right now my new goal is September 30 – October 31 .. Halloween might be a fitting end to the campaign.
I am in the process of creating the 1:20 scale model .. which is taking longer than expected (I tend to be optimistic about how long things will take .. which is one of my downfalls). I am also in the process of creating an explanatory video for the Kickstarter campaign, plus the Kickstarter campaign itself.
This morning’s breakthrough idea
And in the meantime .. there is the rest of life. I am pushing forward (too slowly) on an application to council for someone wanting to develop an empty block of land into their dream home, plus getting a bundle of presents ready to send to lots of people, since I’m generally hopeless when it comes to presents and this is a backlog going back years (I could write a blog post on that!), and .. I could go on with my smothering to do list and the efforts I have been taking in harnessing my attentions .. but I would just start rambling (more than I already am). But I will say that publishing this blog post .. regardless of how I feel about it .. is bound to give me a rush of energy since it has been on my ‘to do’ list since the beginning of this year. This morning I had the sort of breakthrough thought that comes from intense pressure and despair. I decided I would write straight into this WordPress site .. rather than into yet another Word or OmmWriter document. And taking a nudge and a glimpse of possibility from an email I received yesterday from Brian Johnson of Philosophers Notes asking ‘What is your keystone habit?’ (that being “a habit that, when we change it, will have the greatest positive impact on our lives”) .. I am here committing (eek!) to regular (weekly?) blogging as a habit. One bonus of doing this is that it can free me from my tendency to get stuck in the thinking process. There is always more thought that can be given to any topic .. but sometimes, as I know much too well, action is more important that perfection .. and overthinking can lead to less clarity not more. I know that I will do far better at clarifying my thoughts and improving my writing by putting them out than in keeping them to myself. And while it used to be other people’s responses that I feared .. I feel ready to deal with whatever may entail.
Taking action and stretching my comfort zone
I feel like I’ve written too much already .. but since I’m on a bit of a roll I will share some of the journey I’ve been on this year. In order to break out of my shell I have made a point of forcing myself, by all sorts of trickery, out of my head and into action. This has meant speaking where I normally would stay quiet, agreeing to do things I’d normally hold back on, doing things rather than just thinking about them. And so I have been pushing against my comfort zones, moving forward .. in baby steps. It has been quite a journey .. a roller coaster really. In taking actions that are against my natural proclivity .. such as opening up and sharing my reality with others, pushing myself into connection, and accepting support – my experience has been that the Universe responds in kind. And slowly – so slowly I’ve often berated myself and felt discouraged – each small action builds upon itself, the cogs start turning, and I have been able to see some progress.
The journey toward writing this post
I will share some actions I have taken that led to this post being written today (and to perhaps explain how momentous this simple post is for me..). It may give some indication of the sort of pressure it takes for me put myself in the public eye. It started with a trip to Santa Cruz, California in February, with funds scraped together by borrowing from my son’s bank account. It says something about how desperate I was feeling to escape from the prison of my personality, as much for his sake as for mine, that I deemed this necessary. This trip was for the purpose of a deep dive into the Enneagram and exploring my personality type. On my return, having seen with some clarity how my not expressing myself was like a slow and painful death, I had the fortitude to push forward on my ‘sculpture for play’ vision enough to crystallise my thinking and submit an entry into Sculpture by the Sea. Miraculously, my proposal was accepted for the 2016 exhibition. My next big push was a grant submission to the World Domination Summit Foundation, asking for help to support me in the journey toward the creation of the prototype of Cloudscape. This grant submission wasn’t successful, but the process forced further clarity, and prompted a friend who was present while I put it together to offer to loan me the money so I could get to the World Domination Summit in Portland, Oregon in July (Thank you Victor!). My first day back in Bellingen after that magical journey of connection, a meet up of the Bellingen Co-Working group was organised (my joining that group is another step I’ve taken this year). On this day the organiser, Thea, had organised an ‘offer and needs market’. Buoyed up from the trip and crystal clear on the need to connect with others, I announced my offer and need as a desire to create a ‘mastermind’ group for support, accountability and brainstorming. Two people showed interest. This blog post is much thanks to that group .. since I committed to publishing a blog post at our last meeting. And so, with the big steps just shared and a number of baby steps in between, I am slowly getting more comfortable with putting my thoughts and ideas into the world.
What do I have to offer?
For years I have pondered and puzzled, stressed over and felt quite defeated by the question of what I have to offer the world. What gift or offering I have that does not weaken or destroy me in the process .. that has meaning and value enough to sustain me, that allows me to stretch my mind and connect with others in a way that I feel makes a real difference, that allows me the solitude and space I need to feel strong .. and that allows me to be supported financially. My response to this, for the most part, has been a lifelong practice of minimising needs while working just enough to scrape by. But of course this response has serious limitations. And while the answer is yet to come .. this has been a year of climbing out of the hole I dug for myself .. of coming back into the world. And a big inspiration in this journey back into the world has come from my discovery of the Enneagram and the clarity and realisations that have come from my deep dive into this powerful and illuminating tool.
Cloudscape – a tool for transformation
For now, Cloudscape, is the tool I am using to make my difference in the world .. both in the journey toward its creation and by the piece when it is realised. On so many levels Cloudscape is about connection to others, connection to ourselves, connection to spirit, opening up to new possibilities, breaking out of ‘everyday life’, exploring and taking risks, and shifting our experience of the world.
Next steps
As I move toward making this vision a reality, my next steps include finishing the model and fine-tuning the design, obtaining official approval from Bellingen Shire Council, developing the Kickstarter campaign, promoting it far and wide, raising the funds, settling on a strategy for building it, bringing together a team to build it, building it and then .. releasing it.
I feel like I could write forever. But I don’t need to cover everything in a single post .. so I will stop for now. But never fear .. you will hear from me again shortly .. and having now declared it to the world .. I will continue toward the realisation of this long held dream .. of creating magical spaces for exploring and experiencing the world.
Your thoughts?
Has anything I’ve said resonated? Please comment below.
With gratitude,
Charmaine
by Orly | Feb 22, 2015 | Blog
We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. – T. S. Eliot
This post is a watershed. It’s been a difficult post to write .. because I’ve been wanting too much of it. I want to sum up where I’ve been that led me to this point, where I’m at right now, and what steps I’m committing to.
I’ll start with my big commitment – the writing and sharing of weekly blog posts. I know this one action will challenge me to take charge of my life. The challenge for me is both the declaring and nailing down of an idea or thought (rather than endlessly exploring it), and then in sharing it publicly. My past experience has been that I play with ideas in my head, but when I come to write them down, lofty thoughts suddenly appear as half baked musings. And to share an idea that I haven’t got entirely clear in my head has felt abhorrent to me. But the catch 22 is that endlessly rolling an idea around in my head does not lead me to clarity, but rather into a tangled and ill defined hazy mess. I’ve come to realise that waiting for clarity before taking action is, for me, a pathway to insanity. So here I will offer up my thoughts, with the intention of moving towards those thoughts becoming more refined, partly by getting them out there, and also by allowing for the input and feedback of others. I accept the need to get comfortable with the inevitable mess that may emerge .. and to honour that as part of the process.
It’s only from travelling to the depths of despair that I have come to see that sharing my thoughts is the first step on my path forward. I’ve been searching for years to find what contribution or offering I might have for the world that is in alignment with my own needs. In truth, my needs are very humble. I have learnt to minimise needs in order to retreat from the world and explore in my own time and my own way. The one thing always driving me has been a desire for Clarity.
Clarity, to me, feels like open space, ease, freedom, inspiration, joy and lightness. I have searched for it in so many places .. in meditation, in constant study, in travelling to different cultures, in seeking to understanding vastly different people and lifestyles, in searching for the essence, the deeper truth, of any moment. It has had me finish degrees that I might well have stepped out of earlier, to strive towards a life with as few attachments as possible, striving for the simplest solution to any problem, to strive to find, ultimately, the purpose for my life.
In my dream scenario I would experience a flash of enlightenment, after which everything would be easy. I’ve come to see life doesn’t work like that. Instead I’ve found that while bursts of clarity gave my life moments of joy, they never gave me the elusive answer I was searching for .. the answer to the Meaning of Life .. although I believe I’m getting closer than I’ve ever been .. Which brings me to what was perhaps my biggest source of clarity ever .. my discovery about three months ago of a system of personality types called the Enneagram.
The teachings of the Enneagram, in the first instance, described to me – with clarity – my own search for clarity. Turns out that is the natural inclination of my personality type (type 5). The Enneagram maps out nine personality types, describing how different people experience and relate to the world according to beliefs and structures that are fundamental to their personality type. After a lifetime as ‘the observer’, the clarity I experienced in learning about the Enneagram felt mind-blowing. I watched as my mind travelled back in time to every person and situation I had observed, and it felt like I was watching the trillions of pieces of a puzzle flying through the air and falling into place. It felt like the world and my life suddenly made sense.
In my ideal scenario, this would have been where suddenly everything got easier and the next steps would be clear. Instead I went down another rabbit hole where the impact of my withdrawal into mental constructs became painfully apparent. It seemed to be a wake up call to step out of my head and into the world. I got a clear message that I need to move into action. Writing and sharing this post is a step in that direction.
In upcoming posts I intend to explore a range of thoughts and ideas that I have been dwelling on. Is there is something I’ve touched on that you’d like to hear more about? Do you have any comments or thoughts? Please share. Communication opens up our world.
by Orly | Feb 3, 2015 | Blog
So .. I had planned a deep, thoughtful and vulnerable first post exploring a single topic ..
But with limited time as I head off to attend Blast Off 2015 I’ll summarise some of the things I’ve been thinking about, in preparation for exploring them in more depth when I return.
The topics I’ve been thinking about include: personality types and the Enneagram – and specifically ‘type 5’ which as I know from experience can be an isolated existence living in our heads more than in the ‘real world’; the aspects of ourselves that we push into the shadow but which have a hold on us; the experience of loneliness and isolation many people in modern society suffer from; the way the internet both feeds into this isolation as well as offers hope; the assertion that addiction is a product of isolation; the consequent possibility that decriminalisation and destigmatisation of drugs is a way to bring many people, as well as the underground nature of drugs and associated criminality into the light; the art of aikido as a means of connection – by bringing people together and harmonising body, mind and spirit (for me specifically it is about moving out of my head and into my body); the challenges of being an artist today; spirituality in modern capitalist society; the importance of play.
If you’ve actually read this and have any thoughts or comments, I’d love to hear them!
