Getting closer

Getting closer

I’m recovering from what has felt like a pretty crazy time lately.  As I release commitments and attachments I am starting to settle down to a clearer and simpler reality.  Life is starting to settle down.

But there’s still a lot of work to do.  It’s like I’m right at the beginning, but the way has become clearer.  But what a relief that is.

I have been licking my wounds a bit after losing five blog posts that came from a flurry of inspiration and activity in January and February and were part of me reaching a state of clarity about my purpose and focus.  And there were no saves of these posts so it has felt like a huge loss.  Plus I lost the whole Circles of Life page I’d created and was finally at peace about.  It was like I’d made all these steps .. and then bam .. back to square one .. like a rug was swept from under me and I was up in the air.  And it put me in a rather disjointed state.  But perhaps the good thing about getting disjointed is that things can come back together and realign in a fresh and more conscious way.

I’ve updated my About page but the Circles of Life page still taunts me.  Maybe today.

So I will attempt a summary of what I was coming to with those final posts before everything came crashing down ..

Jan 25: A new adventure

Jan 26: Presenting the present as a present

Feb 02: A fresh start

Feb 15: Words of intention

Feb 17: Getting ready

Okay .. so .. I was clearing the path for this adventure which is simply my life, as I create it.  It was the adventure of this fresh new year .. fresh with intentions.  I made some vague commitment to creating and sharing with some accountability built in .. but that is now passe.  I was contemplating my word for this year and explored a range of words before coming, in a very clear way, to the word Presence.  I have been shifting my experience of the world for some time now, and it is perhaps now at tipping point.  Many things are coming to a head at once.  Clarity is arriving in all different ways.  I explored the way that words, and intentions can impact our lives in a positive way.  I need to explore that same topic again.  I have a fear losing thoughts and not getting them back .. but I need to trust that I will find the words for saying what needs to be said.

So, I was ‘Getting ready’ on Feb 17 and it’s now three weeks on.  I guess I’m back to before where I was at at that point in some ways.  So I’m still ‘Getting ready’ .. but perhaps I’m ‘Getting closer’.

And talking about ‘getting closer’ .. this could allude to intimacy, which has been part of this blog journey .. because I am sharing my experience of life (some of it at least) with the world.  And that is really the biggest breakthrough for me .. to do that and be with the vulnerability of it .. me who feels overly self conscious to even ‘like’ something on Facebook, let alone write comments.

Instagram has been another place I’ve forced myself to open up and that breakthrough is just as huge as this blog.  Even moreso in a way since photos are very revealing.

I love how, through this website, I’m able to share myself and feel some control over what and how it is shared.  The lack of control over how information is shared unnerves me with Facebook.  Except the recent crashing of my site felt like a total loss of control.  I even felt like I ‘lost myself’ – like I’d put myself out there, and got taken down and wiped out.  It made me feel like maybe I should stick to solidity rather than data.  But the answer now seems to be that I need to lick my wounds, recalibrate and then continue to grow.  Perhaps evidence of weakness and crumbling of work is an opportunity to rebuild foundations with retrospective clarity.

Actually, right now I am writing this like I’m writing to a friend ,, or to myself maybe.  Same difference.  I’m being experimental right now so I’ll go with it.  My main challenge is simply to stay in action and not get caught up in thinking about things ,,

I also want to write some poetry .. and to create some images .. and make some videos .. and make some music .. and it’s nice to have the consolidating foundation of this website to anchor it all.  Except I don’t want it to all collapse again.  I need to find out how I can protect myself against that happening.  This website is essentially my base for exploration.  Some things I plan to explore are:

– the journey and creation of Cloudscape

– organic concepts and creations

– sacred symbols

– ‘the journey’

In fact, what I’ve been clear about all along with this blog is that it’s intention hasn’t been to inspire people and land in their inbox each week.  It has been solely a challenge to me to express myself in public, and to share my journey toward clarity.  It has helped me to release fears around opening up and speaking up, and allowed me to feel clarity and groundedness.  Moving forward .. if I’m to stretch myself that bit more, and turn up in people’s inboxes, with something inspirational or useful to say .. how would I do that?

Here are the thoughts that come to me off the bat:

I’d keep on writing these ‘sharing my truth’ posts .. writing as I would to a friend.  But rather than have these posts turn up in people’s inboxes (too scary), I could send out emails exploring an inspirational piece of art, plus write either an opinion or research piece on a topic I’m exploring, and include links to what I’ve written on my blog and perhaps an occasional summary of where my current projects are at.

Art, Exploration, Progress.

My life is starting to align so nicely at the moment.  I am creating my life around building a business that invites exploration and creation of public art and expression.  And in alignment with that is exploration of sacred symbols, the journey, circles, aikido, spirit, life, building, creation, energy, psychology, art, meaning, movement, connection, transformation … and it’s all connected.

Though I’ve been turning a corner at speed for what feels like a long time, I am close to reaching the straight.



A revolution in connection

A revolution in connection

Only connect!

E. M. Forster


Revolution for Peace: from nuclear disarmament to the tree of life

Revolution for Peace: from nuclear disarmament to the tree of life


They say you want a revolution,

Well you know, We all want to change the world.

You tell me that it’s evolution,

Well you know, we all want to change the world.

John Lennon & Paul Mccartney (from the album Love)


Declaring a revolution


There is a certain freedom that comes from declaring a revolution .. a shift away from what has gone before.  And so I will take the liberty to be so bold and declare my current quest – of creating spaces within public places that invite people to explore, play and connect – as a revolution in connection.



Why connection?


As a natural loner and a keen explorer I have spent my life striving to be alone and self sufficient in order to explore freely without the demands, expectations and judgements of others.  As part of my explorations I have spent my life studying people and trying to understand why we experience and respond to the world in such different ways.  My confusion about people and lack of confidence in my opinions resulted in my withdrawal from society or from any self expression to the point that I felt I might as well disappear completely.  Instead though, I found a way to reenter the world – bringing with me a conviction in the importance of, and indeed the need for connection.

In my study of people, I’ve come to learn that there are in fact nine distinct worldviews that shape our experience of the world, each with it’s own strengths and limitations, gifts and challenges.  I see tremendous value in having spaces where people can drop their guard and their patterned ways of being in order to open up to their essence.  By shifting out of everyday life, letting go of egoic patterns and beliefs, and being in the present moment, we can come to discover that we are all connected.



Why play?


Play offers opportunities to explore, to find connections and to open up our experience of the world.  It keeps our minds active and agile and keeps us young.  Play can offer a way to shift out of stuck ways of thinking.  Play is important at all ages of life.

Yet opportunities for play in public spaces diminish after childhood.  Almost all playgrounds cater primarily for youth, and adults without kids in tow tend to be viewed with suspicion or amusement if they dare to use children’s play equipment.  I believe we need play spaces that cater to all ages, and indeed that invite all ages to come together.  The separatist nature of most playgrounds increases disconnection and ignores the fact that people of all ages get many benefits from play.  In addition, there are benefits in young and old coming together to enrich the lives of both.



Why Cloudscape?


When I try to think of places where a person who feels isolated can go and experience a sense of connection while having no expectation to be part of a group or to act in a particular way .. I draw a blank.  And so I have designed Cloudscape.

Cloudscape offers a shift out of the everyday with many different ways to connect; physically (as we climb through the sculpture and move our body), mentally (as we shift out of our stuck patterns of thinking and allow ourselves to see the world afresh) and spiritually (as we surrender to the present moment and as we experience our personal connection to the world, to ourselves and to others),



A solution to isolation


Cloudscape is a solution to isolation.  It is a response to a world where virtual connection has rapidly replaced personal contact resulting in a disembodied experience of the world and epidemics of obesity and depression.  Balance needs to be restored, and Cloudscape offers a solution for moving forward.



From life experience


Cloudscape is a coming together of years of searching, exploring and questing on a personal journey of evolution and trying to find my place in the world.  It brings together some of my ideas and skills into a mission that feels meaningful enough to pull me forward while giving me the direction and focus I have been searching for.

Having spent my life lacking the confidence to express an opinion (always seeing alternative views as equally valid), struggling to make decisions (hating to cut off possibilities) and holding back from self expression (to avoid the opinions, expectations and judgements of others) – I have finally come to develop a clearer perspective on my values, needs, strengths and what I need to do to evolve.  Though hiding and flying under the radar has enabled me to explore broadly and deeply with minimum distraction, it also took me out of the world and out of connection with others, and ended up with my feeling lost, confused and alone, struggling to find purpose in life.


Coming full circle


So Cloudscape represents a coming full circle, a return to presence and self expression, and a stake in the ground  that declares what I am taking a stand for.  And so, with Cloudscape I am proposing a way to bring more openness, acceptance, connection and harmony to the world.



A bigger picture


My big picture view is to have these spaces in cities around the world, as places for people to reconnect and shift their thinking.

Through Cloudscape I hope to break down barriers to communication and set spirits free.



What is your perspective?


So that’s my vision and my stance.  Of course I remain open to alternative views and opinions – and welcome them.

What do YOU think??

Let’s talk!