I used to be really rigid when it came to decisions. I valued reliability and liked to see myself as reliable. When i made a decision I would stick with it, regardless of the pain or the clear signs to stop or change direction.
In some ways this served me. I stuck with things until I learnt the lesson, allowing me to experience completion. But mostly it served to keep me stuck. It also contributed to a fear of commitment and a difficulty with making decisions.
I’ve learnt over the past couple of years in particular, and particularly thanks to two of my teachers, that not only is changing my mind okay, it can in fact be admirable. We risk being judged, feeling stupid, wasting time or money, disappointing other people, and taking responsibility for our life when we make a decision and change our mind.
Changing our mind means feeling into what is right for us, and adjusting accordingly. My tenacity and unwillingness to let go of an idea / decision in the past was because I was living mostly in my head. My decisions were generally a response to thinking and not feeling. I didn’t even know HOW to feel for most of my life. Bringing consciousness to my feelings is something I now practice every day. It is an important part of my process of awakening.
What about you? What is something you have ‘decided’ to do (or not do). Can you entertain the opposite? And when you make a decision, how much do your feelings play a part?
Let me know.