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f you’re like me (and I know many of you aren’t) you will understand the challenge of making sometimes arbitrary decisions in order to move forward.  This is something I’ve definitely struggled with.  I’ve tended to wait for absolute confidence and clarity before I take action, and that has really had me stopped a lot in my life.  

I’m reminded of this now that I am finally bringing my attention to finishing the Cloudscape model.  The apparent arbitrariness of the placement of the spheres has brought up so much resistance, fear and doubt in me for so long.  I’ve learnt that when I’m procrastinating doing something, almost inevitably I find once I start that the job is much bigger than I thought.  Every time this happens I go “Oh, so this is why I’ve been avoiding this job”.  But even the biggest job can’t happen without lots of baby steps.  And once I start, that’s when the clarity arrives.

The sphere above is an example of where I jumped in and took action .. only to find that I made a mistake and the hole was in the wrong place.  Fixing mistakes is something I’ve tended to avoid, taking a sort of “ah well, it’s obviously meant to be like that” attitude. In other words, mistakes tended to make me feel like I was stuck with the undesired consequences in a sort of fatalistic, helpless way.  So I’m finally challenging that pattern by taking action and allowing myself to ‘change my mind’.

A big part of my resistance was been a resentment of ‘wasting energy’ by having to do things twice.  But this has been a huge barrier for me, causing me to waste a lot more energy (though over-thinking) than making the mistake and fixing it.  

So with this email I’m marking a line in the sand around this old pattern of avoidance and getting stopped.  Instead, I’m embracing being messy and imperfect but in action.  After all, it’s not until I TAKE action (which might mean making a mistake) that I actually see the action that I need to take.  It’s like I need to take the step forward to then be able to see things from that new perspective.  

So, here’s to imperfect action (and expanding clarity).

With love,
Orly